"I was certainly in a state! 'Clogged with wishes.' I was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, I wished that I could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there." --Elisabeth Elliot (in Passion and Purity)
This is definitely the state in which I find myself currently. Elisabeth wrote this in reference to the period in time before she and Jim started courting, and that is similar to where I am now (though of course I have no way to know how my story will end, whereas she can write this in hindsight, knowing the outcome of marriage with her and Jim). It's interesting, isn't it? This place of not knowing, hoping, praying, despairing--it is something that is common with all humans when and if they find themselves in some form of love. Honestly, would Hollywood be the success that it is without this ubiquitous emotional state of agonizing? Movies, novels, music--I'd say at least 75% of the subject matter of modern Western entertainment includes this relatively unpleasant (but exciting) stage of love. And why should it not? Pretty much every human being on the planet can identify with this, at least on some level, and by nature we are drawn to that which is familiar; plus, in Hollywood films there is the added benefit that about 90% of the time, the agonizing ends in a happily ever after. What's not to like? That is how we all hope our misery will end: in the falling into our beloved's arms and waltzing off into the sunset. It is the tale of humanity that has been going on since world's beginning, and the tale that will repeat itself until the sun sets on time.